How to Sleep Train Without Crying It Out
Sleep Training vs. Cry It Out
Sleep training refers to the process of improving baby sleep so they can fall asleep on their own and get back to sleep when they wake between sleep cycles (which happens an average of 4-6 times a night. There are many methods for sleep training. I advocate for holistic, responsive methods that involve creating an age-appropriate schedule, optimal sleep environment, consistent sleep routine, and offering support while reducing reliance on sleep props. With responsive methods, your baby will continue to signal at night as long as they still need night feeds, or if they’re uncomfortable, scared, or in pain.
Cry It Out (CIO) is just one method of sleep training, but it’s unfortunately the most well-known. CIO involves putting a baby alone in a room and not returning until morning. Some other methods like Ferber methods would fall into this category too because comfort is usually withheld and parents have to leave their baby crying for long periods. The baby cries themselves to sleep from exhaustion, and eventually stops signalling at night because they know no one will come, which can force night weaning prematurely. There’s a lot of debate about the longterm effects of this method and whether or not it’s even ethical. My goal is to help tired families so no one has resort to CIO out of desperation.
Should You Sleep Train?
The choice to sleep train is deeply personal. Here are some things to consider:
Your Mental Well-being
This may surprise you, but I don’t think every family needs to sleep train. I think you should do what works best for you and your baby (safely, of course). For some families, that’s co-sleeping and free-flowing schedules. For others, that’s consistent routines and adjustments to sleep associations and environments.
I advocate for gentle sleep training when one or both parents are suffering and sleep-deprived, or their current sleep situation just isn’t working for the family anymore. This can help keep you and your baby safe and protect the parent-baby bond.
Some parents today feel pressured to support their baby to sleep at all costs in order to maintain a secure bond. But your mental well-being is an important factor in how your baby develops and forms attachments. Severe sleep deprivation can endanger both of you, by making it more difficult for you to regulate your emotions, produce and release hormones that help you bond with your baby, handle stress, or function and drive safely.
Your Baby’s Temperament
Temperament refers to innate traits that shape how babies react to their environment. It affects activity level, mood, and how they handle stress. Baby temperament falls into 3 main categories:
Easy-going or Flexible Babies
These babies tend to be calm, happy, and adaptable. They are generally easy to soothe and don’t require as much consistency. Easy-going babies can nap or sleep on-the-go and bounce back quickly from changes to their usual routine.
Sensitive or High Needs Babies
These babies are naturally more sensitive to sensory stimuli, how their body feels, their environment, etc. They’re easily overstimulated, and tend to have more sleep struggles and night wakes. Generally, babies with sensitive temperaments are more fussy and difficult to soothe, and they thrive on consistency and predictability.
Active or Spirited Babies
These babies are curious and energetic, and have a high threshold for sensory input. They’re not as hard to soothe as sensitive babies, but can be difficult to settle for sleep because of their high energy levels. They thrive with lots of physical activity and novelty during wake times, but often need consistent routines and structure before sleep to transition from action to relaxation.
Even if your baby doesn’t fit perfectly into one category, their innate traits can help you find the best sleep strategies for them.
Sleep Training Your Baby With Gentle Methods
At the heart of gentle sleep training is the premise that a baby’s reliance on and attachment to their caregiver is natural and healthy, and should be preserved while we improve their sleep. We address any physical concerns that may be causing discomfort; provide the optimal environment, routine, and schedule; and offer support and comfort while our baby learns independent sleep skills.
1. Address Physical Concerns
If your baby is uncomfortable or in pain, sleep is going to be much more difficult. Gas, reflux, burps, and food allergies are the most common physical sleep disruptors in otherwise healthy babies. Become efficient at burpring and bicycling their legs to help move gas out through their system. And pay attention for signs of food allergies. Cow milk protein is the most common food allergy for babies. It’s in breastmilk if the mother consumes dairy and is in most formulas. Check with your pediatrician if you think diet or reflux may be a culprit.
2. Create An Optimal Sleep Environment
You guessed it: blackout curtains, white noise, and a comfortable temperature. You’ve probably heard this a million times before because they work.
3. Create a Consistent Bedtime and Nap Routine
Repeating the same activities each time before naps and bedtime helps your baby wind down and prepare for sleep. If you want more info on bedtime routines that help your baby sleep better, you can check out my article “How to Create the Perfect Baby Bedtime Routine” by clicking here.
In this example, nursing comes before other steps in the routine rather than right before laying down for sleep. This isn’t always necessary, but if your baby struggles with frequent night wakes and needs the breast, bottle, or pacifier to get back to sleep, it can help to dissociate “sucking” from “sleeping”.
This one is especially important for babies with sensitive temperaments, but applies to all babies.
You want to lay your baby down in the sweet spot when they are tired and ready for sleep, but before they get overtired and can’t relax.
Check out my article about wake windows if you want to learn more about the science behind wake windows, sleep pressure optimal wake times, and wake window activities for your baby.
5. Offer Comfort and Support
The goal of sleep training is to reduce your baby’s reliance on unsustainable sleep associations. The goal of gentle sleep training is to do that while keeping the parent-baby bond intact. How? By offering comfort, support, and reassurance throughout the process.
This will look different depending on baby’s age, developmental milestones, and temperament. But comforting touch and verbal reassurance can help soothe your baby while they learn to fall asleep in their own sleep space without their usual sleep props. If they get really worked up, you can always pick them up and try again when they’re more settled.
6. Be Consistent
Like we covered, consistency is especially important for sensitive babies. It helps reduce stress when they know what’s coming. Having certain things about their schedule and routine that they can always depend on also builds a sense of belonging and stability that can help them feel safe and make it easier for them to relax, fall asleep, and reach deep, restorative sleep states.
Summary
Cry It Out is one sleep training method, but there are other methods that protect the parent-baby bond and still allow for nighttime responsiveness and night feeds.
When deciding if you should sleep train or not, the most important things to consider are your mental well-being and your baby’s temperament.
Address any physical concerns that could be causing discomfort and making sleep difficult for your baby.
Create a dark sleep environment that is a comfortable temperature, and consider using a white noise machine.
Create a consistent nap and bedtime routine.
Keep an age-appropriate wake and sleep schedule.
Offer comfort and support.
Be consistent.
